Hello, Dear Ones. Has your chronic illness ever caused you to miss an event? Maybe you were tardy or had to cancel last minute? Were you worried that people would misjudge you? Have people misjudged you? Do you find yourself overexplaining? If so, I'm here with you.
So, it happened again. I got sick on my stomach and had to miss an event. So I've been told that my digestive issues aren't normal. So I figure that when "normal" people (those who don't have a chronic illness) have the occasional upset stomach, they take a Tums and get over it. Just maybe, having a bowel movement doesn't mean, for them, several hours of pain, tears, and weakness. Maybe they don't pray they won't pass out or throw up during the process. Well, getting sick on my stomach happens a lot for me and it IS a big ordeal. However, I've gotten used to being sick because I've dealt with this since I was a child.
Warning: if you accidentally happened upon my illness blog and would rather read my posts about happiness and rainbows then please check out my other blogs on faith, family, and creativity. You can find them here:
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My Faith & Central Blog
My blog on all things Domestic:https://all8514.wixsite.com/ambermakesahome
Moving on, so though I'm used to being sick, it is not something I can easily explain to those who don't deal with digestive struggles. However, I feel I must explain. I feel I must explain that I'm not being a flake. I don't want to gross people out (especially those I barely know), with all the details. Yet, I somehow need to explain the seriousness of my situation but also how it is common for me.
I'm not going to go into detail about the medications I have to take and how much I have to do to keep my bowels moving. It sounds funny, but for me, I worry that I'm going to die literally full of crap. I pray that I never die on the toilet because it sounds humiliating. This past year I had a friend die in the bathroom and I've had anxiety ever since.
Bowel movements shouldn't disrupt everyday life. They should just happen naturally. Yet several of us think about our stomachs and bowels often. Maybe you, like me, worry that you won't be able to eat because your bowels haven't moved in a week? Maybe you've tried every remedy (lots of water, fiber, enemas, laxatives etc...)? Maybe you've constantly heard every remedy? However, your body still rebels and you're still sick often. It's frustrating isn't it?
Why does it seem like our bodies choose to act up, right when we need to be somewhere? It would be awesome if my digestive system would keep a calendar and let me know at what time and what day it plans to actually work. Will it be quick or an all-night ordeal? Will I feel strong enough to go out after or will I spend the rest of the time curled up in bed? Will I be able to eat my whole meal or feel nauseous most of the time? I could go on but you get the point.
The truth is, I didn't ask to be chronically ill. I don't choose it and my life has been spent trying to fix my body. So why do I feel that I have to apologize and overexplain my issues? Maybe people are misjudging me...maybe they aren't? All I know is, dealing with chronic illness, whether digestive issues or other painful ailments, is hard enough. I don't want the burden of trying to convince other people to believe in me or give me permission to be sick. I feel guilty enough that sickness keeps me from being the wife and mom I want to be.
How about you? Do you over-explain? What do you do when your illness causes you to let others down? Do you feel guilty for being sick?
I don't know all the answers and obviously, I'm still struggling. I do know, however, that for the Christian, one day we will be transformed. We will be given new bodies that can't get sick or die https://www.openbible.info/topics/glorified_bodies. I have hope in Christ and He keeps me going. I pray you know Jesus too.
Do you know Jesus as your savior? It's as easy as ABC. A-admit to God you're a sinner and need a savior, B-believe in your Heart that Jesus died on the cross and rose from the grave to save you, and C-confess Jesus as your Lord.
"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9
In Jesus' Arms,
Amber Dover